AT&T today announced a new, "consumer focused" portal aimed at showing just how utterly fantastic the nation's biggest phone company has been at implementing pro-consumer wireless policies. The fancy new site comes complete with a hired actor who'll "educate" you on AT&T's version of wireless history since 1983, saving you from the pesky task of studying history yourself. While AT&T certainly has done a great job in allowing users to swap out SIM cards, their interpretation of telecom history leaves a little something to be desired. For example, the site says this about AT&T's decision to eliminate early termination fees:

The portal empowers AT&T customers with easy-to-find information and reinforces AT&T's commitment to customer satisfaction. -AT&T

While AT&T makes it sound like they invented pro-rated early termination fees because they're just that nice, the reality is they were forced to change their hated early termination fee system thanks to tough consumer protection laws, class action lawsuits and grumpy Attorneys General in states like Minnesota. AT&T, alongside other wireless carriers, then tried to lobby the FCC to pass wimpy federal guidelines that would invalidate the very state consumer protection laws that forced them to change their ETF policies in the first place.

But I'm nit picking. Going back in time, AT&T crows that they've been offering contract-free service since 1983. They don't mention that should you want to get a new iPhone through AT&T without a contract, you'll have to pay -- once AT&T gets around to actually offering the option -- $599 for the 8GB and $699 for the 16GB models. At least one firm estimates the manufacturing cost of the 3G iPhone at around $100. Other outfits estimate that the number is closer to $175.

And who can forget the epic, pro-consumer event that occurred in September 2003, highlighted on the AT&T timeline. You don't recall the date? It's when the CTIA awarded AT&T with "a special seal denoting that AT&T was the first nationwide carrier to meet the 10-point consumer related requirements of the Consumer code." That would be impressive, were the CTIA not a lobbying organization primarily run by AT&T. It would be even more impressive, if the "Seal of Wireless Quality" wasn't a voluntary and completely meaningless intra-industry back pat designed to keep real pro-consumer guidelines at bay (it worked, by the way).

In reality, AT&T's wireless division has consistently found themselves at the bottom of most consumer satisfaction reports focused on wireless service. The latest J.D. Power and Associates wireless call quality survey found AT&T call quality to be either mediocre or substandard in nearly every major geographical area. AT&T was also ranked last (pdf) in customer care. The American Consumer Satisfaction Index finds AT&T is, essentially, mediocre. Consumer Reports agrees, saying that AT&T has "middling to low" customer satisfaction ratings.

However this is 2008, and customer satisfaction is not created by actually satisfying customers, it's created by paying your marketing department and lobbyists to pretend your customers are satisfied. A reputation for innovation doesn't come from innovating, it comes from having your PR firm nurture an image of innovation. While AT&T's new portal may not provide much in the way of historical accuracy, it should deliver kids hours of entertainment in trying to match AT&T's version of history with reality.