Tuesday December 30th
(jump earlier)
Alright, it's been awhile.
Well, i've gone back to xanga actually.
But anyways, here's the latest.
Sunday - Went to Jersey with Jon to visit kT and `tine.
Had a great time and kT and `tine were mad cool. Definitely made the trip more enjoyable
Pretty much shopping in the malls in jersey and just chyll'n chyll'n chyll'n x'D hehe
Day kind of got cut short but it's all good, there's always next time.
Full details @ Xanga though. |
posted Tuesday December 30th, @10:50AM
Sunday December 21st
(jump earlier later)
Well, yesterday I was suppose to study for Sociology and today, to do the College Composition Final paper. Well, guess what? They swapped. College Composition paper is FINALLY done after a whole day, and than from 12-2AM, where my friend helped me with some more... and than some little errors and things I didn't like... DONE
(As can be seen here »[Urgent] English Paper - Opinions Wanted) Don't really want to study for Sociology right now because I'm tire but I'm DEFINITELY going to have to get some sleep tonight. Study Sociology now and sleep @ like 10PM. Yeah, definitely early but exam's @ 8AM, which mean I have to wake up @ 6AM and leave @ 6:30AM.
Than I have College Composition RIGHT afterwards where I'm taking my draft, rereading it once more at the final to make sure I got it right and than write it and get out, back to the library to study for my Pre-Cal on Tuesday. Can't wait for Tuesday's final to be over
Than vacation break...
Need a job, should be getting one soon
Going to get the Sandisk 256MB Portable USB
Ummm other than that, yeah, that's it. |
posted Sunday December 21st, @03:04PM
Thursday December 18th
(jump earlier later)
Had my speech final, and it was pretty simple. Went over it three times just to make sure.
So far, this week's finals are over and I'm studying for the next 3. Actually, 2. The English one is just a paper, which I'm going to write the draft and have a couple of people check over, especially grammar-wise and write another draft. Last and final copy to be written on the day of the final.
Other than that, I think that's mainly it. A friend is probably going to help me get a job at Virgin Megastore, hopefully I'll get it. Could definitely use the money.
I want to get a Paintball Marker - Smart Part's Impulse... maybe the Freak Factory or Strange, not sure yet. Pricey though lol |
posted Thursday December 18th, @04:47PM
Tuesday December 16th
(jump earlier later)
I've been extremely busy this last week...helped me get my mind off of "S" and things been great lately.
Gotten addicted to "24", just finished the whole first season on DVD and 1/3 through the 2nd season. I'm just loving that show. Finished all my papers and the only other paper I have left is my English Final, which I know what it's on already.
Got my Predator 3K1 Cue and Lucasi Jump Cue. The 3K1 plays GREAT! Loving that too, and damn I'm finally seeing some hot asian girls in my school... There's not suppose to be a lot of asians in my school in the first place but the ones I see so far are sizzling x'D Baruch has much better ones I heard, I can only imagine... after I transfer there (not only for the girls  but also for my business admin/management masters lol sure i am xP)
Anyways, other then that, thing's have been pretty great lately. My last chance or thing I've been thinking of trying to get ahold of "S" is if someone has her e-mail address and even if I do get that, there's a small chance but better then nothing. If I can't, then blehz that really sucks but I really have to move on and it was really great meeting and knowing her.
Been helping people out with their work and papers lately... lol see how nice I am? lol I don't get shyt in return but it's aii... no worries
Other then that, things are changing for the best... and the whole "S" situation was a great learning experience... hope I don't get another "life lesson" for a long while since this took a LOT from me.
..X..
Fearless Inc. Productions |
posted Tuesday December 16th, @05:07PM
Thursday December 11th
(jump earlier later)
Hehe, let me just warn you of what you're going to read. Well, you know what it's going to be about anyways.
Anyways, I had such a realistic dream yesterday.
I dreamt that I was in my speech class, and then i turn to my right, and there she was in her usual seat. I couldn't believe it. So I turn back, and I'm like, Thank You God. This is a miracle. I turn back again and pretend I didn't see her and talk to her, and asked her why she was there, because I thought she was out in the army. She said that something came up and that she is delayed a week (which mean she would be going next week) I was thinking to myself that I was definitely not going to mess this up and definitely give her my address, etc so she could write to me and etc. after class. (Funny, when I woke up, I was thinking, I'm stupid to wait until the end of class to do that when I should and could have done it at the moment)
I don't remember anything after that, and then I wrote up. Overslept actually. The dream felt SO REAL, that during the dream, I didn't even realize it was a dream and thought it was real too. That's really strange and odd, something I never really experienced before. Maybe I really wanted it that bad and that's why I was dreaming it.
Anyways, today was my speech. I did... okay. I wasn't thinking about her or looking for her in the audience or anything like that but the audience was just bleh. I was so used to seeing her smile and face every time I'm up there making my speech but when I was up there today, (while I was up there, I didn't realize it) but it wasn't there. Yeah, I really wish I did my speech the last day that she was there. I would have definitely appreciated that.
I'll just say that because this is something I regret, it has really been a strong motivator, that I know I don't want to do whatever it is, and I really don't but nevertheless, my body still go and does it because of the motivation.
I really hope it lasts in a way, the motivation but I know it won't. I guess the speech class and the room just keeps reminding me of her and etc, and today was the last class for speech class. Well, one more but that's the final.
So in short... I know it's only a phrase and I'll get over it, but at the same time, I kind of don't really want it to end because of what I'm getting from it, although the pain is just tough. But I know I will. This is like the first time that I see so many beautiful girls and all (although that's not the only thing I look for, but starting out, that is, and then personality-wise) and I'm just not interested. Not interested in looking for a girl or anything.
Anyways, that's my life so far.
Very confused.
Very befuddled.
Very torn apart.
Congrats to people that have read all my entries and haven't gotten tire about hearing my problems ...yet. |
posted Thursday December 11th, @05:00PM
Wednesday December 10th
(jump earlier later)
Wasn't able to upgrade yesterday because I had two papers to do. Actually I had three, the third one was an extra credit one, EASY too, but didn't have the time, and I was actually hoping to get it done in the computer lab before class but they weren't open.
Did my Geogram presentation in my Counseling class, FINALLY! After I missed my day to do it, I had been pushing to get another day to this and did an extremely well job on it. Just forgot two little points, but other then that, well executed.
About the "S" thing and all, it's been up and down at times. One positive thing I can say is that what I didn't do is now my motivation.
In the past, I had never really regretted anything. I may had said it and etc., but in all honesty, I had never really meant it or felt I regretted anything. I'll have to say this is the first one I really regret. Maybe since this is currently the one thing I regret, is why I'm taking it so hard. But so far it has proved to be an excellent motivator, although I wish there were some other things to be motivators. I'm just afraid that since I'm living for the moment, it'll be a motivator now, but in a couple of weeks, it'll be nothing. That's what worries me.
When I was giving my presentation, it's funny how I was looking into the audience and there was this girl that really stuck out. Well, I know her, and it's not like I like her but it was like the same thing I would get from "S" and it was almost as if she was there supporting me all the way, although she wasn't physically there.
Yeah, as you can tell, I believe heavily on God and many other things too.
Anyways, that's my day Thus far |
posted Wednesday December 10th, @08:00PM
Monday December 8th
(jump earlier later)
Take a minute and envision this.
Isn't it strange how the things we love each day but be precise for it to happen?
Isn't it funny how you for some reason that you decided to take the left turn at this corner other then the usual next corner, and bumped into a long time friend who you haven't seen in a long while?
Imagine what would have happened if you had taken that turn at the usual corner. Would you have bumped into them? And what if that long time friend was someone you actually looked forward to going out with. And you guys do... and things go well and before you know it, you guys are married with 3 kids.
Isn't it funny how that one decision, had an everlasting effect on the future of your life... and that although these corners may not have much in different, these two corners had two completely different lives for you.
Isn't it funny how things must be precise? That not even a hair could be out of place for things to go perfectly well.
I think it's funny... as to how our simple decision can indeed have a long-term effect on our future... that the simple things in life that we do not take much concern to, can have such meaning and definition for our future.
Don't you think?
Don't you believe?
Don't you envision? |
posted Monday December 8th, @11:09PM
(jump earlier later)
Music is so inspiring
Sometimes we just stop and listen to the lyrics
Hear what the artist has to tell us
Beneathe all the beats and music
There is a hidden message hidden inside
To be able to unlock message is an incredible thing to do
So much knowledge in so little time
How do they do it, I don't know
But it's so inspiring during tough times
Music has always been, not only now, but always been an inspiration |
posted Monday December 8th, @09:04PM
(jump earlier later)
Well, I've seem to calm down and somewhat taking things easy. Let's see what happened today.
I had a Sociology speech to do, only about 2minutes, it was mainly about what our paper was about and what we learned so far. I wasn't as prepared as I would like to be, plus audience wasn't the best but I did fairly well. It's only 10% of grade and from what she said, as long as you go up and say something and know what you're talking about, you get full credit.
Mine's about how the mass media has an effect on the general public and I've been reading the book "Bias" by Bernard Goldberg which is extremely interesting. It really has me hooked. I never thought I would really like reading that much. Well, I knew I had always enjoying reading, only "TOPICS" that I enjoy. Stories/those type of books were alright. I just realize I really enjoy reading books about reality, life, but that the author have personal or other people's experiences to go with it. It's like seeing the story as an insider, seeing what happen. Once I'm done with this book, I will need to find other books similar to this, that approaches a topic but the author brings their own experience/stories or friend's experience with it to add a dramatic point to the book.
Anyways, what else. Observing is such a thing, that can help gain so much knowledge. I was kind of piss at this girl because she was suppose to come over on Sunday to study with me for our Sociology final, which isn't for another 2 weeks. Yeah, I know there was a huge blizzard and etc. That I could understand, but I wish she would have just given me a call to let me know. What if I was stupid enough to just stop and wait...?
I help so many people out in time of need and things I ask for in return are such a small price to pay but people are so selfish to not even do such small things. I do have great friends and etc. and everyone have their flaws, and it's not like I'm someone people are using... just using and giving nothing in return, it's not always like that. But I can start to see, how other people act to others, without me in the picture and it's just like... it makes you think you know?
I have a speech tomorrow... already know what I'm talking about... it's just... yeah S... that's the thing... she's probably already in the army training or perhaps on her way to Iraq. *siGh I wish the best for her and I'm still feeling the effects of what i didn't do.
Life is just so bleh thus far but I know things will change for the better in the future. I hope I don't forget S or how her face looks and hopefully she'll have a valuable meaning in my life, the price I had to pay for yet another life lesson, but a huge one.
..X.. |
posted Monday December 8th, @08:01PM
Sunday December 7th
(jump earlier later)
life's been a little tough these last few days... but also very educational...
It sucks how I'm really shy but with this girl it was different. So what happened in the last minute?
I'm currently a student at John Jay College of Criminal Justice and I had this speech class, with this girl. We'll call her S. I first got to know S when we were put into groups of like 7-8 people, to discuss about 2nd speech we were about to do. After class, two of my friends and I walked with her to the next building. We talked, I got to know her a little better.
She's actually older then we were, age - unknown though (girls never tell their age, hmmm) I didn't "like" her from that moment or anything, she was just another friend.
She was in the army, and she just started school after some training I believe.
Little did I realize it was her that made the class so much fun for me. We would laugh at each other, and talk a lot. It was really strange because she saids she's older then me/us, but when I'm around it, it doesn't seem like it. YOu know how with other girls, you're always shy around them. You just assume it's because you're a shy guy and it's natural. Not the case with S. She had a great body I'll also say but that wasn't the reason I was attracted to her. I met her in September by the way.
About two weeks ago, a thought just pop into my head and it was her. I was just thinking about her and then I realized that I really did like her. After this, I was like, oh man now that I think/know this, I'm going to start acting different around her, like I do with others. Again, not the case. The following tuesday when we have class, it was another great day, we're always laughing and just enjoying each other. And then the news. She was being sent to Iraq for some missions (not combat) for about a year to two. I couldn't believe it.
Well, let me just fast forward.
In the end, I also find out she has a boyfriend, which didn't really hurt me that much. Even if I wasn't going to be with her, just having her there was enough for me.
I was hoping to give her my address so she could write but I don't know what happened and I never did give it to her. Not because I didn't want to but just...
I remember giving her a last kiss and then saying bye, and I was thinking to myself, this could be the last time I see her.
I couldn't believe I was really walking away from it. These past 3-4 days, I realize how much I really needed her without knowing it. During the speeches, when I would get nervous, she was always there in the first row, with a huge smile on her face, which was VERY comforting.
We would always support each other during speeches, mainly looking at each other because we knew we could count on each other to get each other through the speech (although I'm always the one laughing because it's just me)
I just can't believe it and I'm truly in shock.
I've always knew the expression of
How to cherish everything, and that the ones you care the most to always hang on, because once they slip out of your hands, you may think that u had this much love for them, but when they're gone, you'll realize that you had much more love for them and they will truly be missed. (By the way, I know I make that sound like death, but that's not the case here)
I have an upcoming speech this Tuesday in speech and I wonder if I'm going to get through it. I know I won't see her in the rows, with her comforting smile listening to my speech. Hopefully, we'll have a connection that can't be seen, that'll be with me when I give my speech.
Tearing right now but I don't give...
For there are times, when you just tear
Life's biggest lessons, come at a price
This seem much too much of a price for me to pay
But I'll live
Not going to think of the future
and live in the present.
By the way, if anyone reading have any comments about anything, you can always feel free to PM me.
..X.. |
posted Sunday December 7th, @11:19PM
(jump earlier later)
life is truly amazing
there is so much to learn and grasp
yet, we do not wish to learn of these
we wish to carry on our daily lifes
just as we had the previous days
everyone's happy, or so they think
living in their own little world,
far away from reality
it's funny how we envision our lifes
to be the way we want it to be
but when things don't go the way we wish them to be
we envision life is not worth living for
and this is not what life is about
little do they know this is exactly what life is about
yet we wish not to believe it
we believe only what our mind wishes to believe
and everything else is dismissed as a tale
i see many people who seem happy all the time
but when things are not going to plan
we all wonder why,
why is this happening to me
and why must this be?
this is reality, but they do not know it
they know only what their mind wants them to believe
it's amazing how much you can learn
just observing without speaking a word
when you observe things "outside the box"
you see things in a whole new level
this is probably why, we are able to help our friends through hard times
but when the same thing happens to us,
we are clueless
for when our friends are in need,
we see things they do not see
because they are filled with confusion
take a minute to just observe and see
how the world is around you
and maybe you'll also see
what i see, what others' minds wish to dismiss
..X.. |
posted Sunday December 7th, @11:04PM
(jump earlier later)
Our Lives are Not What They Seem To Be
in this lifetime, we are here to learn,
the many lessons life has to show us
it's funny how many believe they can learn life lessons
just playing it by the ear, for u never truly understand a lesson.
until u have experienced it yourself,
for words do not replace the feeling and emotions,
that's giving off when experienced
i know i've tried to help many friends in need,
and i would share the lessons that i learned,
yet never realized why they weren't listening,
little did i know, that i cannot teach them the lesson
for it can only be taught through experience,
but life lessons do not come at a cheap price,
for u must pay big to truly understand the meaning,
it's amazing what you must give up,
to get a small piece of the large puzzle...
never let the wuns yu love and care slip away
for the price to pay is much more hefty then these words alone
the love u have for them is much more
when they have slipped thru yur hands
..X.. |
posted Sunday December 7th, @11:04PM
|
CTS