how-to block ads
|
bistro777
Donuts-Is There Anything They Can't Do?
Premium
join:2002-02-07
Englewood, CO
| Re: I have a simple solution Dear Valued Customer:
At the request of a myriad of so-called public interest groups (meaning anyone not on ourside of the fence), henceforth your monthly bill will be broken-down to explain your base rate plus any additional, paltry, trifling, you-ll-never-feel-em surcharges.
From this billing forward, our automated billing system (just try calling us someday to talk to a real person) code-named CREEP - Customer Report Excepting Everything Pertinent – will detail your service plan and all associated price-gouging charges. Your current billing:
Base rate - - $19.95
Base rate 4-9s connection fee - - $2.00
Modem rental - - $5.00
Neighbor’s rental even though you own your own - - $2.00
Federal tax - - $2.00
Federal tax credit – who are we kidding, we don’t pay any - - ($2.00)
Federal tax just in case we goof and actually have to pay something someday - - $3.00
Federal universal service fund - - $2.00
Our PAC’s fund - - $4.00
Regulatory fee (current) - - $1.50
Regulatory fee (future) - - $2.00
CEO’s club dues (meals extra, your mileage may vary) - - $2.50
Attorney fees (for our shareholder lawsuits) - - $2.00
Broadband portability fund (in case you move someday and we lose your business) - - $15.00
TOTAL DUE upon receipt - - more than you ever thought…and definitely more than you’ve ever heard or read in our advertisements.
NOTE: Most of our fees have nothing to do with regulation or government-mandated charges. If, in future billings, a single line-item entitled “additional profit” would suffice, please advice and your account will be credited with gold star.
Thank you for your understanding,
Your service provider (/laughing at you all the way to the bank)
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." -- Humphrey Bogart | |
|  
Minister
join:2002-01-02
Fleeting | Re: I have a simple solution See, now you're going to make the bell people all mad with your assault on the poor, defenseless, honest, and penniless bells. I can hear them coming.... | |
| |
bistro777
Donuts-Is There Anything They Can't Do?
Premium
join:2002-02-07
Englewood, CO
1 edit | Re: I have a simple solution I will cheerfully add any telco (RBOC or other - it's not just the Bells), cable operator, cell provider, my gas and electric companies, and all those who obfuscate, hide and camouflage (additional) profit under the cloak of a nebulous, vague or misleading heading.
I mean, c'mon, it's like we need truth-in-lending or good-faith documentation from these guys every time the monthly bills arrive. Guess I just get tired of "How much is it?" v. "How much you got?" 
"There are no foreign lands. It is the traveler only who is foreign." - - Robert Louis Stevenson | |
| | | 
garagerock
Premium
join:2002-06-14
Louisville, KY | Re: I have a simple solution hey, when was the last time you bought a car? the hidden charges are obscene. no one ever gets the prices on TV... | |
| | | |
bistro777
Donuts-Is There Anything They Can't Do?
Premium
join:2002-02-07
Englewood, CO
| Re: I have a simple solution said by garagerock  :
hey, when was the last time you bought a car? the hidden charges are obscene.
Not too long ago... You can negate any nebulous dealer "add-ons" from the sales price with a little research - but you can't do that with your broadband provider. (Not singling-out anybody, 'cause they all do it.)
"Just add it up and tell me what it costs" v. sticking me after-the-fact with greater profit margin additional surcharges... (And I agree with you about all the "fine print" that flies by at ms speed in television advertising.)
Today is the last day of the middle of the end of the beginning. It is also the first. | |
| | | | | | | |
|
·
·