steve_NVa
join:2005-02-13
Leesburg, VA
2 edits | Tech support calls Top 10 excerpts from this weeks tech support calls:
10. Is the internet light on your router lit?
Yes.
What does the internet light on your router look like?
I don't know.
9. We have a problem.
OK, we noticed you were having connection problems about an hour ago and we are already working on it, and it should be fixed quickly.
It's been going on for two days.
We noticed the problem over an hour ago, an hour before you first called to tell of the problem. We will have it fixed quickly.
2 days, that's not quick.
I'm sorry, I think you're looking for the clairvoyant support dept.
8. Is the internet light on your router lit?
All the lights are on.
Do you see the symbol of a lower case i with a little circle next to the number 1?
Yes.
Is it lit up?
No.
7. Our internet is down.
Does your PC have a good connection to your router?
Yes.
Is the PC connected to the router by cable or wireless?
I don't know.
6. Is the internet light on your router lit?
No.
And you are having trouble downloading web pages but email still works well?
Yes.
5. My internet connection is down.
Do you use Vonage?
Yes.
Are you using it for this call?
Yes.
4. Is the internet light on your router lit?
Yes.
What kind of router do you have?
I don't know.
Do you have a router?
I don't know.
3. Our internet is very slow.
Does your PC have a good wireless connection?
Yes.
OK Mrs Smith, what wireless network is your laptop connected to?
JonesHomeRouter.
2. Is the internet light on your router lit?
Yes.
Is the power light on your router on?
No.
1. My internet connection has been down 2 days and I want a refund for the down time.
We disconnected you and stopped billing 6 months ago for failure to pay. | |
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 smeghead
join:2009-02-11 | Re: Tech support calls Those are all things I deal with on a daily basis as well.
Common sense to us, but brain surgery to the masses.
I'm sure if we were to call for help on fixing a car or something we were not fluent in we'd look equally stupid. | |
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Killa200
Premium
join:2005-12-02
Spring City, TN
 ·AT&T Southeast
| said by steve_NVa  :1. My internet connection has been down 2 days and I want a refund for the down time. We disconnected you and stopped billing 6 months ago for failure to pay. At that point i would so break in with "but now that we have you on the phone can i get an updated and valid credit card to process your due bills with us? We can certainly reconnect your service after that" | |
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viperm
Carpe Diem
Premium
join:2002-07-09
Winchester, CA
| thats nothing our wireless sales guy ( formwer wireless owner) signed up a 90 year lold lady that does not even remember we were ever there to install the internet.
She calls once a day to have one of us walk her thru HOW to use the internet and get or E_mail .
I finally sent one of the techs out to paste a paper to her monitor with step by step instructions.
We have spent over 24 hours in tech visits and phone calls on this woman..
I feel bad but on the other hand we are here to run a business and make money..
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ComTrain Certified Tower Climber. American Tower Certified approved contractor. Wireless consultants. | |
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 | dr mongolia
join:2008-07-03
United State
 ·Cox HSI
| Re: Tech support calls IMHO, this is where it pays to have a clearly defined customer service policy. That way you know when to to say, "Sure, let me get you the number to your vendor so they can help you with that. We don't maintain the operating system (or application) so we wouldn't be the best people to ask, but if you have any problems with your Internet connection please call us any time." Etc etc. Some users may cancel due to this, but those are the users you would have otherwise lost money on anyway.
I've also found that giving out a 1-800 number as opposed to local/cell numbers makes people a LOT less likely to call with general computing questions, yet they'll still report outages/service conditions. I use kall8.com for our 1-800 setup, it's pretty nice. You can have the 1-800 number forward to whatever number(s) you wish, you can play "waiting" music on it (and a greeting message), you can set it to record every call, etc. | |
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| | maxit
join:2009-02-22
Fort St James, BC
| Re: Tech support calls My Internets been down for ___ (insert number of weeks since last bill). I run an important online business, I want it fixed right now!
Onsite tech: We warned you about those trees three years ago. Those poplars have grown right in line with your antenna.
Customer: Well cut them down.
Tech: We install dishes, we don't do logging.
Customer: Well cancel my service then if your Internet doesn't "work"
My computer icon says "your" signal strength is Extremely low. What are you going to do about it?
FAVE:
what does ipconfig say your IP address is?
192.168.1.111
Then you're not connected to your network Your Windows server gives out 10.10.1 addresses
Bullshit
Open a browser, go to 192.168.1.1 and what does it say?
Login for 802.11g router
What is the IP listed on the Status page?
0.0.0.0
Then you're connected to a wireless router that's not plugged into your network.
No I'm not! What do you know anyway? My Internet doesn't work, FIX IT right now! | |
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CMack
join:2004-07-30
canada | Too funny, keep them coming Steve | |
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Inssomniak
Premium
join:2005-04-06
Cayuga, ON
| Customer: "We have 2 computers connected to a router and one doesnt have internet, when are you coming to fix it?"
Customer: "We havent had Internet for 3 days, whats taking so long to fix it?"
Us: "when did you call first about the problem?"
Customer: "Just right now." | |
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| Nitroxide
join:2009-06-05
| Re: Tech support calls I love the people that do this
Them: "We've been down for 3 weeks now. This needs to be fixed RIGHT now I can't believe it takes so long"
Me: "So you phone me after 3 weeks of having an issue and you're surprised it's taking long to fix? If your TV is out would you wait 3 weeks to phone and then complain that it's taken too long to fix?"
Them: "..."
Me: "..." | |
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AMD Phreak
Premium
join:2003-12-14 | Re: Tech support calls I love using that awkward silence moment. I usually follow it up with a "huh" comment. | |
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CMack
join:2004-07-30
canada | regarding the tv analogy...yes they will wait, usually their comment is "I thought someone else would have called"
response: ahh well your the only one having an issue, why would anyone else call? | |
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Killa200
Premium
join:2005-12-02
Spring City, TN | i love hearing all these... but shutter myself because i know these comments about sum up my operating area... | |
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kewlkeed
Grouch
Premium
join:2005-02-05
Knowlton, QC
| LMAO I think I see that quite commonly too where they call only after being out for a ridiculous time.
"Well surely other people must be having problems"
"NO"
"Well has anyone else called"
"NO"
"But this must affect others"
"NO"
"So we really are the only ones"
"YES"
Then by the end of the call you find out someone unplugged the PoE. All they do is plug it in and away they go...
"But shouldn't there be something that could be done about that?"
"Yes, don't unplug the PoE"
"Oh"
--
Justin - DSLR resident grouch and Mr Negativity
TSI Fanboy - "Dontchya wish your 'net was hot like mine! Ohhh Dontchya!"
Have a nice day! | |
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maxit
join:2009-02-22
Fort St James, BC | I love the line of sight issue. Customers are dismissive and sometimes enraged they must chop down some trees to see the transmitter.
Then you look, and they've felled as swath for sat tv... | |
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kewlkeed
Grouch
Premium
join:2005-02-05
Knowlton, QC
| I laughed, we had one client who insisted he'd do anything for signal.
We showed up, there were a couple dudes with chainsaws waiting. We pointed, and he yelled to them to start cutting and we told them when to stop.
He didn't care if half the forest went down.
--
Justin - DSLR resident grouch and Mr Negativity
TSI Fanboy - "Dontchya wish your 'net was hot like mine! Ohhh Dontchya!"
Have a nice day! | |
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kewlkeed
Grouch
Premium
join:2005-02-05
Knowlton, QC | As an addon it was even more amusing since the guy understood some general RF stuff. So we gave him the signals and he just laughed "Bah I can squeeze at least 5 more db outa that!... KEEP GOING!" as he's waving at the cutters. | |
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superdog
I Need A Drink
Premium,MVM
join:2001-07-13
Lebanon, PA
| Re: Tech support calls I installed a customer a few years back. The radio was on the roof and inside, they had quite a few devices (computers, xboxes, playstations etc.), so I installed a switch on their desk. A few days later, I get the famous call "My internet doesn't work?", so since this customer is on my way home, I stop.
Once inside, I see the switch is missing from the desk. I do a little nosing around (as they are following me around complaining how they pay $20 a month, and for that amount of $$, it should always be working???) and see all of the CAT5 cables running into the litter box along side of the desk. As it turns out, the switch fell off the desk into the litter box. This must have angered the 4 cats because an alien device entered their space, so they promptly pissed on it a few times and then covered it up with litter and cat shit.
Needless to say, when I showed them the Linksys switch in the litter box, the look on their faces was classic!. I told them to have a nice day and left, as the cause of their problems were obvious, LOL.
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»www.wavecrazy.net
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| | maxit
join:2009-02-22
Fort St James, BC
| Re: Tech support calls Two classics in 2 days:
"My internet is down, when are you going to fix it."
-(looking it up) It's been suspended because you're six months in arrears
"I'm trying to run a business here! Turn it back on now!"
"We came in to see if you still want that radio on our roof"
- Actually a bailiff recovered it for us last month because you were sent to collections over a year ago for nonpayment. The check bounced for the previous year's Internet and we sent you half a dozen letters before we sent you to collections.
"Well you have your equipment back, can you call the collection agency and tell them we're square now? We can't get our Visa limit raised until you do..." | |
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kewlkeed
Grouch
Premium
join:2005-02-05
Knowlton, QC | LMMFAO! Nice!  | |
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battleop
join:2005-09-28
00000
| "5. My internet connection is down.
Do you use Vonage?
Yes.
Are you using it for this call?
Yes."
I've been fighting with a customer who has a "A+" tech that manages their network. We provide them with a T1 for Data and VoIP. I get two or three calls a month from their "A+" tech to report their Internet is down. Each time I point out to them they are calling from a voip line that's connected to our soft switch. Then he reboots their watch guard and the Internet starts working again. Then the owner gets on the phone to raise hell and ask for a credit. This tool thinks that once you become an "A+" you are above all other certs. | |
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| gunther_01
Premium
join:2004-03-29
Saybrook, IL | Re: Tech support calls You just kindly forward them the graphs that show they were up 
A+ isn't much.. I got one of those too | |
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battleop
join:2005-09-28
00000 | Re: Tech support calls Heh don't take this the wrong way but anyone who has to brag about their A+ is more often than not clueless. I have found anyone with an A+ that does not brag about it has a clue. | |
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| | | gunther_01
Premium
join:2004-03-29
Saybrook, IL
| Re: Tech support calls Well, I wasn't bragging LOL.. Just funny stuff, a PC tech cert-ed guy trying to tell you his stuff was down like that. Just tell him to get a Network+ and call you back  Then he is getting somewhere. Kind of.
Ummm, Yea,.. I won't say anything about Network+ like I did the A+. But you get the idea I bet.
I get similar calls too though. It can be fun if you play it right.. | |
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battleop
join:2005-09-28
00000 | Re: Tech support calls With anything, MCSE, CCNA, Web Dev, etc. If they have to brag about any cert then they probably don't have a clue. | |
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| | | | | dr mongolia
join:2008-07-03
United State
·Cox HSI
| Re: Tech support calls said by battleop :With anything, MCSE, CCNA, Web Dev, etc. If they have to brag about any cert then they probably don't have a clue. Easily applicable in an even broader sense as well -- a nice guy doesn't have to tell you he's nice, a rich guy doesn't have to tell you he's rich, etc.. but when they do tell you, they're usually full of crap | |
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AMD Phreak
Premium
join:2003-12-14 | Re: Tech support calls The PLA has a lot of great pranks | |
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shorthairedp
join:2005-11-21
united state | I failed an A+ online pretest once | |
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Singular
Premium
join:2008-08-13
Shelbyville, KY | Customer "My internet is down, it says no signal on my screen"
Tech *Shakes Head*
True story... I had not laughed that hard in a while. | |
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| Smokeshow
Premium
join:2009-02-26
Cold Lake, AB
| Re: Tech support calls said by Singular :Customer "My internet is down, it says no signal on my screen" Tech *Shakes Head* True story... I had not laughed that hard in a while. You have no idea how many times I've heard that before. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure I've heard pretty much all of the dumb calls from this thread. The average user (especially the rural ones) are just not that technically aware. | |
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| | Singular
Premium
join:2008-08-13
Shelbyville, KY
| Re: Tech support calls said by Smokeshow :said by Singular :Customer "My internet is down, it says no signal on my screen" Tech *Shakes Head* True story... I had not laughed that hard in a while. You have no idea how many times I've heard that before. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure I've heard pretty much all of the dumb calls from this thread. The average user (especially the rural ones) are just not that technically aware. Yeah we service that kind of area, same thing for us! ^_^ | |
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maxit
join:2009-02-22
Fort St James, BC
| Customer "My internet is down, it says no signal on my screen"
I couldn't laugh, we get this two or three times a day. And a couple "What's wrong with YOUR Internet service there's a big red X that says network cable unplugged" as well.
MS Windows has cornered the market for "stupid".... | |
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gunther_01
Premium
join:2004-03-29
Saybrook, IL
| I wasn't bashing any one about the A+ Shorthairedp. Just so it's clear to any one. I just consider A+ to be the (just about) first entry level Cert there is for computer stuff. It may be more broad than that I suppose. And I studied my arse off to get mine. I didn't Ace it or anything. I actually did better on the Network+
To Maxit.. I get that error (red X) when I loose a radio Ethernet or PS or bad Ethernet card in computer. I tend to take those seriously. Because that almost always means a truck roll for us. | |
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| steve_NVa
join:2005-02-13
Leesburg, VA
| Re: Tech support calls said by gunther_01 :To Maxit.. I get that error (red X) when I loose a radio Ethernet or PS or bad Ethernet card in computer. I tend to take those seriously. Because that almost always means a truck roll for us. Almost all of our customers have routers, so if the red X is mentioned it's pretty clear where the call is going. | |
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| | gunther_01
Premium
join:2004-03-29
Saybrook, IL
| Re: Tech support calls said by steve_NVa :said by gunther_01 :To Maxit.. I get that error (red X) when I loose a radio Ethernet or PS or bad Ethernet card in computer. I tend to take those seriously. Because that almost always means a truck roll for us. Almost all of our customers have routers, so if the red X is mentioned it's pretty clear where the call is going. For a little drive in our case | |
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Inssomniak
Premium
join:2005-04-06
Cayuga, ON
| said by gunther_01 :To Maxit.. I get that error (red X) when I loose a radio Ethernet or PS or bad Ethernet card in computer. I tend to take those seriously. Because that almost always means a truck roll for us. Us too... | |
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| | maxit
join:2009-02-22
Fort St James, BC
| Re: Tech support calls We used to too. Until the customers all decided that roll-outs to replace a NIC should be free and so should the new NIC.
If they're plugged into the POE we pay attention. If they're plugged into their own router they're told to bring their computer in.
This week:
Our Internet is no good because even Hotmail won't send to Joe@somedomain.local on it.
The guy calls and complains because we STILL haven't called the collection agency and cleared him for ripping us off for that $400 worth of service.
Really that bailiff you hired got your equipment back, what's the problem a**holes? | |
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superdog
I Need A Drink
Premium,MVM
join:2001-07-13
Lebanon, PA
| Re: Tech support calls said by maxit :We used to too. Until the customers all decided that roll-outs to replace a NIC should be free and so should the new NIC. If they're plugged into the POE we pay attention. If they're plugged into their own router they're told to bring their computer in. I just had a storm take out 2 radios (*#@! weather!). Anyways, one of the customers is a funeral home. None of the current guests complained about losing access (hehe), but the caretakers of the guests sure did. There was still a phone line plugged into the back of the one PC, so even though everything was grounded, the surge came thru the phone line and toasted the NIC on the PC. It then left the PC and cooked a switch, toasted my radio that was plugged into the switch, BUT, it didn't toast 2 printers that were also plugged into the same switch???????.
Why in the heck didn't it fry the NIC cards in the printers? Anyways, to get back on topic, When I rolled in, I was told that they are not paying for this because it wasn't their fault. I explained that in the TOS they signed, it clearly states that we are NOT responsible for ANY weather related events, even if the lightning comes in through the radio.
I was then told that the TOS no longer apply to them. When I asked why?, they mentioned that the home was sold to a new owner, and since he never signed the TOS, it didn't apply.
Rather than fight with them, I swapped out the NIC card, as I had a bunch of them on the truck that I had bought at the flea market for like $4.00 each and I also had an old Linksys 6 port switch with me that worked (although one port was toast from a prior event) and got the two mission critical PC's back online and printing.
I find out later from an employee that some guys had put a brand new phone system in and for some reason, had plugged in the one PC to test it and see if the modem still functioned over the new system (It didn't, so they wired this line directly to the NID without surge protection) When finished, he never unplugged it. The new phone system didn't get hit, as it WAS protected. What gets me is why they even worried about a modem working when they had been on my system for over 6 years?.
Oh well, they have been great customers to this point, and since it didn't take me much time to swap out the NIC and throw in an old switch, I just shut up and fixed it. The bad thing is I am now waiting on the crane and the basket, as the radio can only be worked on from it because of it's location. I am responsible for it and it has to be replaced. 
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»www.wavecrazy.net
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Killa200
Premium
join:2005-12-02
Spring City, TN | Re: Tech support calls It's ok Rhaas, i don't have mine either, | |
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kewlkeed
Grouch
Premium
join:2005-02-05
Knowlton, QC
1 edit | I woulda walked away from it. Plain and simple.
I don't give in anymore to bitching clients for TOS arguments. They don't like it, **** it. They'll cost more to fix and when you do it once, they'll expect it over and over. It leaves you wide open for future problems.
I would have simply told them forget it, packed up, and walked. They'd call back eventually, and if they didn't, they're better off with the competitor.
--
Justin - DSLR resident grouch and Mr Negativity
TSI Fanboy - "Dontchya wish your 'net was hot like mine! Ohhh Dontchya!"
Have a nice day! | |
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smeghead
join:2009-02-11
| said by steve_NVa :Top 10 excerpts from this weeks tech support calls: 10. Is the internet light on your router lit? Yes. What does the internet light on your router look like? I don't know. 9. We have a problem. OK, we noticed you were having connection problems about an hour ago and we are already working on it, and it should be fixed quickly. It's been going on for two days. We noticed the problem over an hour ago, an hour before you first called to tell of the problem. We will have it fixed quickly. 2 days, that's not quick. I'm sorry, I think you're looking for the clairvoyant support dept. 8. Is the internet light on your router lit? All the lights are on. Do you see the symbol of a lower case i with a little circle next to the number 1? Yes. Is it lit up? No. 7. Our internet is down. Does your PC have a good connection to your router? Yes. Is the PC connected to the router by cable or wireless? I don't know. 6. Is the internet light on your router lit? No. And you are having trouble downloading web pages but email still works well? Yes. 5. My internet connection is down. Do you use Vonage? Yes. Are you using it for this call? Yes. 4. Is the internet light on your router lit? Yes. What kind of router do you have? I don't know. Do you have a router? I don't know. 3. Our internet is very slow. Does your PC have a good wireless connection? Yes. OK Mrs Smith, what wireless network is your laptop connected to? JonesHomeRouter. 2. Is the internet light on your router lit? Yes. Is the power light on your router on? No. 1. My internet connection has been down 2 days and I want a refund for the down time. We disconnected you and stopped billing 6 months ago for failure to pay. Customers like that make me sick. Trying to screw the phone company or cable company or a telecom company (which is no better than the government) I can totally understand.
But trying to screw a WISP by claiming not to have signed the agreement is pure BULLSHIT. I would have cut the wires and disconnected their equipment right there. They would complain and I would tell them they didn't agree to any TOS so i can do whatever I want with my equipment. Uninstall the bastards. | |
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Rhaas
Premium
join:2005-12-19
Bernie, MO
| Re: Tech support calls said by smeghead :Customers like that make me sick. Trying to screw the phone company or cable company or a telecom company (which is no better than the government) I can totally understand. Glad you lump us all together... 
But trying to screw a WISP by claiming not to have signed the agreement is pure BULLSHIT. I would have cut the wires and disconnected their equipment right there. They would complain and I would tell them they didn't agree to any TOS so i can do whatever I want with my equipment. Uninstall the bastards.
I'm dealing with something similar, customers equipment has gotten hit by lightning, since they don't have an equipment support contract with us it is $150 to replace the radio (free otherwise). They are refusing to pay the cost of the radio so I'm planning on going and getting the equipment back. | |
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| | mrbueno
join:2002-08-03
US
1 edit | Re: Tech support calls I would just keep billing them until their contract is up. If they don't want to pay for a service call, that's ok.
Turn lemons into lemonade! Offer contract extensions instead of service charges. | |
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I R tarded.